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Resources -
LGBT Week 2007
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When I'm Not Who They Say I Should Be
Greenbelt is a Christian music festival held every year in the U.K, and I went there with some friends when I was about 23 years old.
The Sunday before the festival ended, there was an outdoor service, where we divided into groups of about 12 people, to receive communion by passing the bread and cup around the circle.
We received communion more than once during this service as the speaker announced we would receive communion on behalf of communities who were unable to receive it themselves, or who were suffering oppression so we received communion on behalf of those in South Africa, who were living under the Apartheid regime at that time, but then the speaker said, And we receive communion on behalf of our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, who are often denied the bread and cup.
I loudly spoke to the people in my group, I believe it is a sin, & I refuse to take communion on behalf of the gay community. I angrily spoke some more, letting the communion cup pass me by.
I remember some faces staring at me, but no one challenged me or my opinions, which I felt were justified and I felt they were backed up by things I had read in the Bible.
I remember the silence in the group I was not sure what to make of it at the time, but I figured they either agreed with me, or they kept their opinions to themselves, as they knew I was right.
Of course, many years later, when I realized I was gay, I remembered this experience It was like Paul on the road to Damascus everything I had believed was challenged.
I felt torn how can I reconcile my sexuality to my spirituality? Surely God must hate me, as that is what I believed. But as much as I tried to believe God hated me, I couldn't. God had put some wonderful people on my path who made me realize that I was the same person today as I was the day before, and that God didn't love me any less.
Jesus called us to love one another and to not judge others, and I believe that includes each of our faith journeys also. If its not loving, if its not life-giving, its not from God.
I remember the silence. One phrase commonly used in the LGBT community is Silence = Death. I wonder what would have happened had someone voiced a conflicting opinion to mine that day?
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