Sunday, November 4

And God replied to Job: "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone-while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?  Job 38:1,4-7

It didn’t help that I had grown up in the church, knew a lot about the Bible and had had a conversion experience in 1978. When it came down to whom I was attracted to or who I loved, if it was another woman, I was considered out of line with what the Bible or that denomination said. I was yet to be comfortable with the fact that I was a lesbian. I, like most of our society, had been raised with making fun of gay people: laughing at stereotypes; calling people names and isolating those who “might be guilty”. My internalized homophobia was huge.

Instead of hearing the voice of Jesus say, “Come. All are welcome. I love you.” I heard the voice of fear, “Should I hug him? What if he has AIDS? ” or religiosity, “It says in the Bible….” Or self-comforting arrogance, “I love the sinner; but hate the sin.” I knew I wasn’t welcome, much like the lepers outside the gates of Jerusalem. And it was hard to find the Spirit amidst such humanity.

My relationship with God didn’t stop. Once I had opened my heart to God, God didn’t want to move out. Actually, I began to grow. I had to start looking at the Creator as more vast than I had ever imagined. It isn’t just scripture that teaches us who God is or who we are in God; its relationship with God…..just as it is relationship with anyone.

When I finally came to terms with the fact that I was/am a lesbian and I just needed to accept it, I became at peace. I became more peaceful than I had ever felt in my life. I have no question that at that time I was saying “yes” to God and God was saying “yes” back.

In 1999 I returned to the church. I had missed it so much. I went to one that said “No matter who you are or where you are on life’s journey, you are welcome here.” Coming back wasn’t easy. I struggled with the scriptures and the church history. I wanted my witness to be real, not something that I had to piece together….leaving out offensive parts. Today, I am confident that I can approach God just as I am. I believe that I am in a lasting covenant with God. I believe that God joined in covenant with my partner and me as we stood before the altar in marriage. I believe that God has joined my family and me as we have covenanted to follow the call of ministry.

The most important thing that I have learned in all this is that God is WAY bigger than what we think and because God is the Creator and we are the created, God gets a lot of say in things. Just ask Job.

My prayer:
God, I forget sometimes that You are the Creator and I am the created. I try to take control and pass judgment on the things that seem strange to me or that I don't understand. Help me to remember that Your single desire for me is to love You and love Your children no matter who they are or where they are on life's journey.  Thank you, O Great and Vast Creator. Amen.

Leslie Eppler